1. |
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Go to school
Kill yourself
Up to you if you care to get along with anyone else
I won't talk about it
I can't explain much of anything well anyway
Rotten thoughts making my head spin fast
Stupid words leaking out like murder gas
I wish he would look at me
My disgusting personality won't let me free
Everything I like is gross
I like horrid stuff the most
Nothing I that I love is something I would proudly boast about
My culture read and history are always held in doubt
The way he looks at me and my loves makes me want to shout and pout
I don't wanna like the things I like
They make me feel like I'm dumb scum
My brain starts shrinking and stinking
When I see all the people prettier than me
Work harder every day to please
Everyone who I wish that I could be
I don't even want to look at me
My disgusting personality won't let me free
Everything I like is gross
I like stupid stuff the most
Nothing I that I love is something I would proudly boast about
The way I feel my history just makes me wanna die
Crumple thoughts--I wanna throw myself into a star and fry
I don't ever wanna see what you really think of me
Sometimes I am thinking, "Why can't I stop breathing?"
I don't ever wanna see what you ever think of me
I want to destroy all thoughts--nail them to a funny cross
Everything I like is gross
The worst stuff I like the most
If he doesn't like the frame then he forces me to hold his shame
I don't wanna leave my bed
I wanna wilt until I'm gone
Earth is hella rotten
I don't have faith in any better dawn
Everything I like is gross
I love stupid stuff the most
I wish I didn't love or even care about what hurts me
Roasting everything inside my head until it's smooth and clean
I hate the way I think and I never wanna dream
Everything I like is gross
I love horrid stuff the most
Nothing that I love is something I would proudly boast about
The way I feel my history just makes me wanna die
Everything I like is gross and I wanna stop liking things
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2. |
Neutral Data
03:39
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That hair means this
Those eyes mean that
The way your legs and arms and face look tell people that you’re good or bad
Your hands are scary
Your teeth are mean
Your visible veins make people scream
Your hips are dumb, and the way you walk affects the way we hear you talk
It's so embarrassing
The way bones and fat move me around
It’s so embarrassing
The way vocal cords make my voice sound
I don't wanna go outside
Where people freely see and hear me
I wanna be neutral data being kindly judged by no one near me
Your posture makes you a creep
Your eyebrows make you weird
No one understands you, and the way clothes fit you makes you feared
Body shapes are windows to your brain and soul--your heart’s a black hole
A look at you, and there is no doubt--I know what you think about
It's so embarrassing
The way bones and fat move me around
It’s so embarrassing
The way vocal cords make my voice sound
I don't wanna go outside
Where people freely see and hear me
I wanna be neutral data being kindly judged by no one near me
I hate bodies
I hate habits
No one needs to think about me
My quirks hurt me every day
And in myself I’m forced to stay
The way I look don’t match my thoughts
But my thoughts I also hate a lot
I wish I could be someone else
I don't ever wanna be myself--ooh
I wish I could start again as somebody else
Please, don't think about my body when I die
It's so embarrassing
The way bones and fat move me around
It's new torture every day
The way vocal cords force me to sound
I don't wanna go outside
Where people freely see and hear me
I wanna be neutral data being kindly judged by no one near me
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3. |
Superhero
02:57
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Cats stuck in trees
Kids are trapped under ice
Problems with solutions
Solving them feels nice
But what can I do when something can’t be made right?
You might hate things that are forever
Hearts are changing under pressure
Who would want to live inside a world that makes you want to hide?
I'm a superhero, just like you
And there ain't no more feelings left that aren't most definitely true
Superheroes are different in that they can do more than most people
They can employ unique solutions that are exclusive to the reach their abilities grant them
It can feel real hopeless when no one makes things better
I wish human brains were kinder
I wish human logic were kinder
Some don’t want you feeling like you’re good
They don’t want you understood
I'm a superhero, just like you
And there ain't no more feelings left that aren't most definitely true
There’s a villain in their room
Crept through the window, past the hall, and now it’s on their wall
Something small might happen soon
There’s a villain in their room
And I swear it wasn’t me
I’ve been set up--can’t you see?
I swear I’d been possessed
By demons or ghosts or bots or schools or movies or books or churches or billboards or something else instead
I hate every thought that I have in my head
I’m a superhero, just like you
I’m a superhero, just like you
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4. |
Utility
02:43
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Places they’d rather be
People they would rather meet
Always eyeing an instant rush
Not caring about who they crush
It doesn't matter how long I wait
I'll never match the high they crave
I'll sit in whatever to avoid a fight
And later they'll tell me something nice like:
"Oh, I found a place for you
When other plans have fallen through
Between easier times with different friends and browsing websites with no end
When I am feeling down
And I don’t want my usual crowd around
Your patience and effort brings me up
And after that, you can shut up"
I feel like a less loved Giving Tree
You've taken what you need from me
And now your hunger craves newer things
People grinding for that zing
Time with me feels like a chore
An obstacle you should ignore
I still want to give endless energy
But it feels like what you think of me is like:
"Oh, I found a place for you
When other plans have fallen through
Between easier times with different friends and browsing websites with no end
When I am feeling down
And I don’t want my usual crowd around
Your patience and effort brings me up
After that, you can shut up"
I hope I won't stop nurturing
I wanna help and feed forever
But what if every selfish hit I take is training me to stop?
I don't wanna be like you
But what's the point of being me?
I'm embarrassing everyone else and myself
I hate the existence of health
I'm glad you found a place for me
It hurts but it gives you room to breathe
Room to run and room to grow
I'll love you forever--I hope you know
When you are feeling down
And you don't want your usual crowd around
I'll hope I'll have more heart to spare
You need to know that someone cares
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5. |
Sword as Shield
03:06
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Your insecurities don't have to be mine
Projecting things you hate about yourself on me all the time
The ache that you get
The itch that keeps coming back
I wish you thought a little harder about why it's like that
When you're alone, you're still anxious like the whole world is watching
But I'm right here, getting hit by all the behavior you're botching
Please, don't hurt me anymore
Don't think you think of it that way
But it's selfish all the same, the way you act like it's okay
You don't have to stay like that for life
You can let air in and still be alright
Your sword doesn't have to be default defense
Earth is more than just enemies and friends
You spend every moment locked in your head
Such a tough complex about how you're read
You've stuck to stance and don't care who and how you hurt
Half-convinced that what you've got set up has worked
I'm dying
Ugly breathing
The kind of pain that frames pretty well on a camera or journaled text on page
Dirty enough to be real
Clean enough to be respected
Never spill your guts on purpose, but you'll nod to where the mess is
Your head gets an easy, cool rush when someone far away is shamed
Most whatever can feel good to you when you're not the one blamed
Shield is shaped like a sword
No compassion anymore
No effort developing heart
It's only you that you're for
You don't have to stay like that for life
You can let air in and still be alright
Your sword doesn't have to be default defense
Earth is more than just enemies and friends
You spend every moment locked in your head
Such a tough complex about how you're read
You've stuck to stance and don't care who and how you hurt
Half-convinced that what you've got set up has worked
Another friendship you ruined on impulse
Another struggle your ego has won
Indulging in the same urges year after year
Love you could have loved won't still be here
Observations you've made
Systems you learned
Experiences with only you it concerns
Enriched yourself by yourself
You is all that you'll get
Rotting with ghosts of failed connections you regret
You don't have to stay like that for life
You can let air in and still be alright
Your sword doesn't have to be default defense
Earth is more than just enemies and friends
You spend every moment locked in your head
Such a tough complex about how you're read
You've stuck to stance and don't care who and how you hurt
Half-convinced that what you've got set up has worked
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6. |
Love Is for Watching
03:31
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You don't have to feel responsible for all the things you've put in me
And you don't have to listen to the guilt that tells you you're killing me
And I don't have to be alive, feeling a worse world every day
I'm pissed off at the anxiety that's forcing me to stay
People hold abandoned love
Stronger people take it back
Half the love made on Earth is modeled after books and shows
Aching about a parent's love
Crying at its change in shape
Safest way for love realized is watching how it’s advertised
Sometimes, it feels like a parent's love extends as far as to what they can see
And the reach of that range can be set by things as shallow as the following:
- If they think you're cute or pretty
- Nice or smart by metrics known
And if your shape won't fit in their eyes, then you've lost a home
People hold abandoned love
Stronger people take it back
Half the love made on Earth is modeled after books and shows
Aching about a parent's love
Crying at its change in shape
Safest way for love realized is watching how it’s advertised
People work just way too hard to keep Dylee alive
Once I let you down real good, you'll wish that you'd left me to die
I'm burning up the ozone
Giving my thoughts a chance to try
I'll be your regret
Don't let me drink your poor hearts dry
People hold abandoned love
Stronger people take it back
Half the love made on Earth is modeled after books and shows
Aching about a parent's love
Crying at its change in shape
Safest way for love realized is watching how it’s advertised
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7. |
Hatred Meditation
02:49
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Fear or boredom in powerful people are terrifying to me
They can wreck worlds beneath their phones before hearts can learn to beat
Walls and halls have been set up to tell brains like mine to hide
And it makes my head and stomach turn, to find stolen hearts turned blind
No one has to be alone
All stubborn folks won't feel what they're shown
Think what they wanted, once heads were haunted
With tricks and jokes provided by people who know less than them
Mother trusts the strangers who tell her
That she doesn't have to feel any guilt for hurting me
We would rather ache for the rest of our lives
Than to hurt for a moment--to face pain on purpose
No one has to be alone
But stubborn folks won't feel what they're shown
Think what they wanted, once heads were haunted
With tricks and jokes provided by people who know less than them
I've spent enough time in my head imagining myself dead
There are stretches where I feel like a ghost
Security in giving up
For a shallow drop when time is up
I won't have to feel my brain again
No one has to be alone
But stubborn folks won't feel what they're shown
Think what they wanted, once heads were haunted
With tricks and jokes provided by people who know less than them
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8. |
Nothing Guts
03:03
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Wired to desire love and home
Punish how it's grown
Tricked into moving toward a light
Gravity of white
Does not want to leave
Does it matter what it bleeds?
Caught between everything
Stop pretending you know what it means
Can't imagine a world that works
Legacy ego, obsession births
Selfishness resisting change
Expanding networks of blame
I hate allegiance to tradition
I hate unconditional loyalty to state
I hate how cultures have handled fringe
I hate how people have weaponized cringe
Nothing works for everything, and that's okay
Nothing works for anything, and that feels less okay
Making problems out of things that they don't care to learn
Expecting understanding that they'd never return
Ignoring history, but obsessed with certain decay
I wish less people cared about what things look like from far away
I wish people weren't so fixated on legacy
Obsessed with how distance affects how things are seen
Can't imagine a world that works
Legacy ego, obsession births
Selfishness resisting change
Expanding networks of blame
I hate allegiance to tradition
I hate unconditional loyalty to state
I hate how cultures have handled fringe
I hate how people have weaponized cringe
Nothing works for everything, and that's okay
Nothing works for anything, and that feels less okay
Making problems out of things that they don't care to learn
Expecting understanding that they'd never return
I am being made to believe that I'll follow intrusive thoughts that will never, ever, leave
Culture dooms anyone who cares with hopeless tasks
Selfish heads abusing fear
Feeding hatred every year
Can't imagine a world that works
Legacy ego, obsession births
Selfishness resisting change
Expanding networks of blame
I hate allegiance to tradition
I hate unconditional loyalty to state
I hate how cultures have handled fringe
I hate how people have weaponized cringe
Nothing works for everything, and that's okay
Nothing works for anything, and that feels less okay
Making problems out of things that they don't care to learn
Expecting understanding that they'd never return
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9. |
Fantasy Overdose
03:18
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Within a couple years of meeting someone new, they disappoint me
Blaming most of them is hard when their worlds are set up the way they are
A lot of people don’t design systems to help each other grow
Despite everything that’s wrong with me, I accept hermit indulgency
Every chance and path outside is pointless
There isn't anything that meets you that won't hurt you in ways new and old
All souls grown mold
Hurt never surprises me
It's in the atmosphere we breathe
I'll spend as many days I can in bed
End the rhyme with Pixar's Turning Red
Effort in an odd shape is punished with heartache
Make my head rich with different worlds and lives to live
Spend life in a daydream chain
Constant fresh haze fill my brain
I want to live in text and in pictures 'til I die
Every chance and path outside is pointless
There isn't anything that meets you that won't hurt you in ways new and old
All souls grown mold
Hurt never surprises me
It's in the atmosphere we breathe
I'll spend as many days I can in bed
No better place for time I spend
Building healthy networks from kindness and thought
Watching people fail every time makes me rot
Who could build a dialogue that cultivates good faith
When I'm reduced to symbols and feelings you hate
I don't believe in a future worth working for
I don't belong in a world filled with people who pray every day for distance to stay
As long as I have instinct keeping me alive, I'll spend all my time inside
Every chance and path outside is pointless
There isn't anything that meets you that won't hurt you in ways new and old
All souls grown mold
Hurt never surprises me
It's in the atmosphere we breathe
I'll spend as many days I can in bed
No better place for time I spend
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10. |
Silly Star Pants
08:20
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[Part I]
I make unflattering, unfair assessments of people whenever I get hurt
I'm just as bad as the worst
Mother brought another child into the world
She won't like how this one goes
No one liked how this one grew
But until it grows into something weird, she'll love it more than God
I can blame shapes
I can blame sounds
I can blame stuff from all around
And all of it would be true
We care so much about you
I don't want to trust what happened yesterday more than what you say today
Please don't keep me inside of before
I wish I loved a little more
Child in parent's mind
In some form every moment
So much love flooding their soul
In every place and thought they go
No gesture could quite illustrate
The gravity of love so great
Heavy, heavy hearts so full
Neutralize the biblical
I fixate on symbols
Trained to obsess over subtext
I'm a mess of things I'm ashamed of
I wish I could give back the kindness brought to me
I'll never be clean enough
I'm hosting too much danger
I've grown gross
Don’t ask me to dance
Silly star pants, silly star pants, silly star pants, silly star pants
Silly star pants, silly star pants, silly star pants, silly star pants
Silly star pants, silly star pants, silly star pants, silly star pants
Silly star pants, silly star pants, silly star pants, silly star pants
[Part II]
People relate to bits but are alienated by a whole picture
Individual traits of mine are fine but they all fit together in a gross design
I wish I were Hollywood
Smart, pretty, and understood
Never giving up on things others and I agree are good
But every challenge I look at makes my brain feel stuck
I think half of my development relies on luck
I hate thinking about myself in terms of what I am to someone else
I don't like the way some have changed me
I don't like the way you changed the way I think and talk and write
People who've enjoyed me have taken the bits they like for granted, and they can't enjoy who I was anymore
I hate thinking of how I choose to make me worse for the sake of you
I wish I could change the way I feel, the way I sound, the way look, the way I think
I don't like waking up to me every day
Some things can change, but some won't go away
I wish I could choose the way I am here, the way I heal, the way I feel
Blanker slate not returning
Eternity of yearning will wait for I
I want to die
[Part III]
I make unflattering, unfair assessments of people when I get hurt
I make unflattering, unfair assessments when I'm hurt
You're embarrassed by the horrible things you do
You'll keep doing those things anyway until you can't move
You'll hurt whoever catches you even if it's yourself
Action, sick notion, abomination, attacking all health
In softer stages
In moments treated gently
Action, all compassion
Love, love, love
Hugs, time, effort, thought
New ways to nurture been sought
Step outside oneself every day
Study gaps, hearts, and taste
Oddity in history for self
World-ending love
Silly star pants, silly star pants, silly star pants, silly star pants
Silly star pants, silly star pants, silly star pants, silly star pants
Silly star pants, silly star pants, silly star pants, silly star pants
Silly star pants, silly star pants, silly star pants, silly star pants
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Dylee Dee Los Angeles, California
Hey howdy hey, I live with a Buster Machine beating hard in my chest. I also make music. (they/them)
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